Twinkel Twinkelstar. How I Wonder How You Are

As far as irregular situations go, this one was right up there with the best. Having traveled close to 700km to meet a woman who was virtually a stranger, I had to make the best of the situation, regardless of what way it presented itself...

Twinkelstar and I had met under what many people would consider unusual circumstances. Subsequently, we did, however, both agree that had we not met the way we did, we simply never would have.

I first came into contact with Twinkelstar when she left a comment on this blog months after I'd stopped blogging. Among other things, her comment requested me to get back to blogging which, at that stage, I'd sort of gotten tired of. I was quite flattered by her request and although I began slowly, in no time I was back to posting on a regular basis. I'd read her blog and leave comments and she'd do the same with mine. This sort of thing went on for a couple of months until again, I just didn't feel like blogging anymore.

After over 6 months since I'd stopped, I felt that there were enough interesting things happening in my life to warrant blogging again, only this time I'd start a brand new blog. Everyone knows that the best way to get people to come to your blog is to go to theirs and leaving comments there. This is exactly what I did as soon as my new blog was up and running. Twinkelstar was of the people I visited and in no time we were reading each other's blogs religiously.

One day, while checking my email on my yahoo address, which, admittedly, I don't do as often as I should, I found an email from Twinkelstar. It was just a friendly email saying hello and checking how things were going on my side. Unfortunately, by the time I responded, she'd moved to a new company and no longer used the address she'd emailed me from.

I did mention to her, in her blog, that I'd emailed her. She told me about her move to a new job and proceeded to give me her new email address. In no time we were emailing each other and this when we decided to exchange telephone numbers.

No sooner had we gotten each other's number, we ditched email and just sms'd like mad. I remember our first sms session starting from about 11am and going through to 11:30pm. Needless to say, not a lot work was done on both our sides. Of course we did take a few breaks but they were taken only when we absolutely had to.

Right off the bat, we established a great rapport and chatted as if we'd known each other forever. And as these things often happen, there was bit of flirting. Okay that's a lie. There was a lot of flirting. If anyone had seen the sms' we sent each other, they'd swear that we'd known one another for more than 2 hours. We were joking around and teasing each other and throughout all of this, there was subtle yet evident flirting going on. I was having a ball and so was Twinkelstar. And in her very own words, I was "flirtatious without being smutty".

I remember telling my work friends about this over lunch that same day. They asked the usual "where is she from", "how did you meet her", "blah, blah blah". One thing that was quite evident though, was that they were very intrigued by this situation. After answering their initial questions, predictably, one of them asked the inevitable "does she know you're Black?". You should have heard their knowing laughs when I told them no. Although this laughter was not unwarranted, I explained to them that we Twinkelstar and I were just 2 people who were enjoying chatting and flirting with each other and that stuff like race was not an issue. Besides, I added, how did I know she was White? We, unfortunately, live in a country where interracial hook-ups are an issue, where only the brave and the crazy dare to cross the racial lines. Being part of the enlightened few, this has never been a problem for me personally.

My reasoning, in this particular situation, was that if I chose not to make the race difference between myself and Twinkelstar an issue, then, automatically, she would too. How wrong I was! I wasn't completely wrong but I wasn't right either. I would say I was about half-half.

Throughout our conversation we never went anywhere near talking about race. Like I've already said, we just 2 like-minded individuals in the process of getting to know each other.

It was only later in the evening that the race thing came up. We were still busy chatting when Twinkelstar asked me what my surname is. I told her and let's just say it wouldn't take a nuclear physicist to make out that mine is an ethnic surname. Although she "acted" cool immediately after I told her, there is no way Twinkelstar wasn't shocked by my revelation.

"Did I think you were White? Yes? Am I shocked? No", she sms'd.

Although I found this a bit contradictory, I didn't delve into it. I just listened to what she had to say in addition.

"Does this change things? Yes", she continued.

By things, she was referring to the invite she'd extended to me to go visit her whenever I wanted to. Earlier in the day she'd promised to show me a good time the next time I was in Durban. She made the offer so tempting that I tried to find legitimate reasons to go there. I had none, but that was not to stop me from going anyway.

But all of that had now changed. The invite was no longer open.

"I don't think I'm a racist", she said. "And I don't think that certain people are better than others just because of the colour of their skin. Life is complicated enough as it is and I don't think we need to add to these complications."

To be honest, I was not in the least bit surprised by all of this. This sort of situation wasn't new to me as I've been exposed to it, personally and through others, more times than I care to remember. And more oftern than not, it always comes down to what other people would think. Twinkelstar was no exception.

The strange thing is that our conversation didn't falter. We carried on at the same we we'd been going all day. Granted, our banter had become a lot more serious, but we were still going strong. A lot of sensitive areas were touched on (the author wishes to point out that this is said in a completely non sexual way) and even those just seemed to feed our conversation.

Things took a sudden turn when I got this sms:

"Screw all this serious talk, what would you be doing to me if you were here with me?"

That certainly threw me off a tad. The combination of not knowing where this was coming from and the tired state I was in had me rather discombobulated (look it up). It was, after all, past 11pm already.

I took me a few minutes to get my bearings and what took place after I did was totally out of this world. Twinkelstar and I got it on and and on and on and on... And for the first time in my life, I got to experience the digital getdown.

The following night brought with it more of the same. And as far as new experiences go, I felt quite at home with this one. There was, of course, normal conversation about work, friends and other things but that was all dwarfed by the other activities that we took part in.

My relationship with Twinkelstar took another step forward the following day. After sms-ing for about 30 minutes, she got tired of my slow typing and decided to call me. Again we had great chat, full of laughter and more flirting, which lasted for nearly 2 hours. The same thing happened the following day, and again the following day.

Things were happening fast and we needed keep up. We did that the only way we knew how: we made arrangements for me to go visit her on the weekend. Although the anticipation was more than we could both handle, the week leading up to my visit was not all smooth sailing.

Three days before my visit, Twinkelstar sms’d me to tell me how freaked out she was about the weekend. At first I thought she was just joking but soon realized that she was being for real. I fully understood where she was coming from. It was getting close to crunch time and the reality of the situation was starting to sink in. I don’t care where you come from, it takes a special kind of person to take a Black stranger into your home for an entire weekend. Because of that, I don’t think the way Twinkelstar reacted was unjustified. Consequently, I was very sympathetic and did my best to put her mind at ease.

One thing that her panic did do, however, was to remind me of the absurdity of this whole situation. Up until then, I’d just followed my gut and not given much thought to the magnitude of what we were actually getting ourselves into. Although I was now a bit shaken, I didn’t show it to Twinkelstar. After a lengthy chat, we both managed to put each other’s minds at ease. The only thing left now was for me to get onto a plane and make my way to Durban.

Long Overdue Part II

Saturday came and Macy, Kevin and I went to the annual Beerfest. It was packed. Kevin had bought a new car a couple of days before that and was in a celebratory mood. He drank like fish while Macy and I were knocking back the Cokes.

At about midnight, Kevin suggested we go to Numbers, the classiest club in East London. It’s a good thing I hadn’t had so much as a mouthful of alcohol at the Beerfest because there were roadblocks all over town and they were locking guys up like no one’s business.

When we got to Numbers, it was about half full. It started filling up as the people from the Beerfest started arriving. Without wasting any time, we hit the dancefloor.

Debbie was also there, and as usual, we did our usual bump ’n grind. We did this for about 3 songs (10 minutes), in which I completely ignored Macy. I caught her watching Debbie and I a couple of times. I could tell she wanted in.

After Debbie and I had done our thing, I moved over to Macy. She initiated her own sexy dance and I needed no invite to join in. This also went on for approximately 20 minutes after which I was rather parched.

We got drinks and found ourselves a table. We chatted for a few minutes before Macy mentioned how cold the chair was on her behind. I jokingly offered her my lap and to my surprise, she accepted.

This puzzled me to an extent because hardly a week ago we’d argued over her not wanting to hug me. She’d claimed that it made her feel like she was moving in on Zoe’s territory. Tonight, however, such thoughts had been thrown out the window.

A couple of minutes later Kevin went to the loo and Macy and I were left on our own. She gave me this look and said she wanted to ask me a question. I said shoot.

“Did you feel anything during that dance?”, she asked

“Yes I did. Why? Did you?”

“Yes I did too. What did you feel?’

“I don’t know how to describe it, but there was definitely something. But whatever you felt, that was my phone.”

At that very moment, she gave me a little peck on the lips. I thought to myself, something big is going down tonight. I couldn’t wait to leave Numbers to find out just what.

We stayed for a couple more minutes and then made our way home. We drove Macy home first. When we got there, I got out of the car to give her a hug and as I did, she whispered in my ear:

“You know what, I could kiss you tonight.”

“Maybe I should walk you in”, I said.

No sooner had we entered the house we started making out like crazy. When we eventually came up for some air, she said:

“This so wrong but it feels so good.”

I didn’t respond to that. I just said:

“Let me drop Kevin off and get my car from his house. I’ll be backing 10 minutes.”

When Kevin and I got to his house, I couldn’t find my damn car keys. I looked everywhere. Nothing. I sat in Kevin’s car fuming for about 2 minutes when I remembered that I’d given my keys to Macy when we got to Numbers.

There has been very few times where I’ve driven as fast as I did when I drove back to Macy’s. When I got there, she was already in her satin nighties. I got my keys and just before I walked out, she gave me a kiss and her keys so I could let myself back into the house.

10 minutes later, I was back there. I switched off the light and climbed into bed. We went the whole nine yards and by the time we were done, the sun was up. We got up a few hours later and went at it again. Such goodness…

I took a shower, while she made brunch. I didn’t feel like eating though, I just wanted to go home to sleep. She asked me to sleep at her house and being the nice guy that I am. I agreed.

I actually did get some nice sleep and when I woke up, it was after 3 o’clock. I gave her a kiss on the forehead while she slept and quietly let myself out.

Long Overdue Part 1

This blog is a year old now. Although I haven’t posted as much as I would have liked to, I’m very pleased with it. I plan to introduce a whole new format to this blog, so watch this space.

Anyway, a lot’s happened since I last posted. For those who have been following the Zoe and Macy story, in P Diddy (now DiddY) fashion, the saga continues. Boy have I got news for you.

In my last post I mentioned that I’ve been spending quite a lot of time with Macy. This hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s increased.

One time I went to see her at her house. We made supper, chatted and had a good old time. When it got to time for me to leave, I wanted to give her a hug but she refused. When I asked her what the problem was, she told me that she felt uncomfortable being so close to me, especially with Zoe still in the picture.

I tried to explain to her that a hug means nothing but she wouldn’t budge. When I tried to explain to her, a few days later, we just ended up arguing. I apparently said something insensitive, which I don’t think I did. I didn’t apologise for that, but I did apologise for offending her.

She said she needed time to think about it. I was not to call her until she she called me to tell me if she’d forgiven me or not. At this point, I knew she was mine.

Zoe, on the other hand, sends me an sms to ask me how my day’s been and what I’d done. I tell her. When I ask her how hers was, she tell me it was great. Paraphrased it went like: “Today I went shopping with Zeph (the guy that wants her). He bought me a fine pair of boots. I look so nice in them. Tonight he’s wining and dining me in a restaurant.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Even if I wanted, I couldn’t respond to that... Later that evening she sms'd me to tell me she loves and blah blah blah. I didn't respond.

I didn't like this whole "friend" story. I spoke to a couple of people about it. My friend Keith told me that she didn't mean any harm by all of this. Not only that, she also saw no danger in it. The most valuable piece of advice he gave me though, was that I needed to lean back. Give her some space. Not call, email or sms her for a few days. That would remind her what it feels like to not have me in her life.

Another thing he said was that girls fail to realize is that guys are way smarter than they are. He said it not me. Although Zoe might think she is "safe", it's only a matter of time before Zeph or someone else gets her.

This awakened me to the possibility that it could also be a matter of time before Zoe and I are no longer. I needed to start acting accordingly.

I started by decreasing the contact I made with her, but I soon found myself with this void that I needed to fill. As long as I wasn't calling, sms-ing, or emailing Zoe, I needed to be doing those things with someone else. And who better than someone I'd already been doing those things with, albeit on a smaller scale, Macy?

Once I'd made this decision, I sprang into action. I email Macy just to say hi. She told me how terrible her day was and how unhappy she was at work. I decided to call her. At this stage I remembered something Chris Rock once said.

"Women always complain that men don't talk enough. But that's not what the really want. They just want men to listen. She just wants you to ask her the correct questions that will allow her to run her mouth. You don't even have to be listening, just as long as you keep saying 'aha, really?, get outta here!, you don't say, I told you that bitch's crazy'. Set them up and she'll knock' em down."

That's exactly what I did. It must've worked because later that night she called me and gave the blow by blow details of what was making her unhappy. I'm sitting there "listening" to her and the next thing her voice starts quivering. I can tell she's crying. And I'm terrible when it comes to being a shoulder to cry on. So I just sit there not saying a word. After she stopped talking I just told her that I could never claim to understand what she's going through but one thing she needs to know is that I'm there for her.

The following night I invited myself over to her place to check up on her. She seemed in much better spirits. She made dinner and had a long chat. It was nice to see her laughing and jovial again.

The next two days I leaned back, just to give her the gift of missing me before went out on the weekend.

Disturbing thoughts

It’s been so crazy at work for the last 2 weeks, so crazy that I haven’t even had time to post. A lot’s happened to since my last post. It involves Zoe and Macy.

Since Zoe moved to Cape Town 3 weeks ago, she and I have grown a lot “closer”. We’ve been calling, e-mailing and sms-ing each other everyday. With her birthday, which happens to fall on a Friday, coming up next month, we’ve started talking about spending the weekend together, either in Cape Town or Port Elizabeth. I, for one, have been really looking forward to that.

There is, however, this guy that she is “friends” with that’s been visiting her everyday. I’ve called her 2 or 3 times and she’s told me he was there. This bothers me to an extent. And it’s not that I don’t trust her. It’s just that I know how guys operate.

She has admitted to me that she is aware of the fact that he wants her. Good. My question then is, and maybe the ladies can help me with this one, how do you spend time with someone you know is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on you?

I know it’s quite flattering to have someone running behind you, but it can be quite dangerous to let them get too close. Does this sound insecure? I hope not. Like I said, it’s not that I don’t trust her. It’s him I don’t trust.

On the other hand, Macy and I have been seeing a lot of each other. With a lot of my friends occupied by new girlfriends, work and trying to squeeze themselves out of the closet, I’ve pretty much been keeping to myself lately. Macy’s been doing the same.

We’ve been out for coffee twice and once to see a show together and we’ve had a really good time. It’s all been innocent too. But I don’t know for how much longer.

Macy is a really nice girl. She’s longing for someone to love her. In trying to protect her from predators like my former self, I’ve been keeping quite close to her.

I remember the one time Zoe and I had had a minor disagreement. Later that day I saw Macy. She was so sweet to me, so much that I started having these weird thoughts about me hooking up. I dismissed them immediately, or at least tried to.

I’m afraid that I might have planted a seed in my mind because since then I’ve thought about her at a couple of times. I know for a fact though that I’m not gonna do anything about it.

I like Zoe a lot. I just hope that we can survive the distance. Or the guy that visits her everyday. I know that if anything goes wrong with us, I won’t have caused it.

Am I A Baxter?

I’ve come to the sad realization that I could be a Baxter. For those of you that do not know what that is, a Baxter is as the new movie by the same name explains, the other guy in a romantic comedy: the safe bet, the sure thing, the guy that the attractive leading lady always leaves to be with the passionate, risk-taking hero of the film. A Baxter is, in short, the nice guy who always loses, the personification of the friend zone: liked by all, but laid by none.

Now I’ve said “could” because my situation is a little complicated. Alicia, and I have become quite close, so close that we’re beyond ever being attracted to each other. For that reason, I introduced her to Keith, a long time friend of mine. He was immediately smitten by her. She, on the other hand, didn’t give him the time of day.

One valuable lesson I’ve learnt on my relatively short time in this world is that if you stroke someone’s ego the right way, you can get whatever you want from them. That’s exactly what I did with Alicia, for Keith. I told her how crazy Keith was about her and how he just can’t shut up about her.

She would laugh and act like I warn’t no thing to her but deep down I could tell she was definitely flattered by all of this. I guess what made the whole thing more credible was that Keith had also told Zoe about his infatuation with Alicia. Zoe then passed the message onto Alicia, even though she was convinced that Keith stood absolutely no chance.

I don’t know whether to call dumb luck or what but for some crazy reason Alicia started warming up to Keith. Not just warned up though, a lot more than that. She was falling hard for him. She was sms-ing him, calling him in the middle of the night and calling me to say how crazy she was about him.

This all happened in a space of less than 24 hours. Even Keith was taken aback by all this. He couldn’t believe his luck. As Warren always says, luck is when opportunity meets preparedness. And wasn’t Keith just prepared!

He arranged for Alicia to spend the very next night at his place. She was sooo excited (pun intended).

The events leading up to the said night are what have led me to wonder whether I am a Baxter or not. Alicia called me to ask what she should wear for her special night, what perfume she should put on, and a series of other questions which would have been better directed at her girlfriends.

According to College Humor, the following are 10 things that qualify you as a Baxter:

1. You’ve pretended to be an attractive friend’s boyfriend so a guy would stop hitting on her.

2. Your attractive female friend has said any of the following things to you.
A. “I can change in front of you because, like, it doesn’t matter.”
B.“Can you come over? My boyfriend and I just got in a fight and I need to talk to someone.”
C. “I just took the biggest shit.”
D. “You’re like my brother.”
E. “Oooh, can you help me pick out an outfit for tonight?”

3. You have been described as “stable” or “reliable” to a prospective date.

4. You get more kisses on the cheek than anyone you know.

5. If you’re angry and yell at someone, you immediately apologize for losing control.

6. You spend more time with your attractive female friend than her boyfriend does.

7. When it comes time to hit the bars, your attractive female friend asks if you’re “coming out with me and the girls?”.

8. You consider jigsaw puzzles a suitable form of entertainment.

9. ‘Your colors’ are muted brown and light denim.

10. When you look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you’ll never have that edgy attitude women are drawn to or be able to state your true feelings to a girl for fear of “ruining the friendship,” you cry.

The ones highlighted are the ones that have happened between me and Alicia. But seeing that I don’t and could never want her, Am I really a Baxter?

Maybe I'm not pig after all

I know this might come as a surprise but I’ve decided to (for now) not go ahead with my pursuit of Macy. This decision was taken on Saturday, moments before Zoe left for Cape Town.

On Friday we had a little get together as a farewell party for her. It was an intimate little gathering at Zoe’s friend’s house, about 5 minutes from Zoe’s house. Macy was there too.

During the course of the evening, Zoe had to go fetch some music from her house. I offered to go with her. Isn’t that what the perfect boyfriend would do? And like I said, Macy was there.

We got to Zoe’s house and no sooner had we entered, we started making out like mad. This went on for quite some time and before we, or at least I, realized, half an hour had passed. We decided to head back to the party before everyone started missing us. Too late for that. The ragging we got when we got back. Everyone threw in a few comments with sexual innuendo being the main theme.

A question you might have is, why make out with her? Macy had seen my chivalry, surely that should have been enough.

What I’ve probably failed to mention in the past is how I felt for Zoe. Besides the racism thing, she actually is a nice chick. Consequently I liked her, perhaps a lot more than I realized.

All week we’d been joking about me spending the night at her house, with her sister who absolutely despises me under the same roof. But that’s all it was: a joke.

After the party (around 3am) everyone went home, including myself. I called Zoe when I got there, and I jokingly told her that I was standing outside her front door. She seemed excited. Her disappointment at telling her that I was only kidding was palpable. We then said our goodbyes and called a night, or rather a morning.

Then next day, when I went to fetch her for the bus station, she seemed a little off? When I probed to find out what was wrong she complained about me spending the previous night with her after we’d talked about it all week. She genuinely upset. She went on about how she wanted to spend our last night together, together (we’d mutually agreed to “break up” on Saturday as there was no point in having a long distance relationship).

I tried to down play her ranting but she was really upset. For the first time I actually realized how much she liked me. It made me sad a little. This chick really liked me and I, unbeknown to her, was being a dog by trying to go after a friend of hers. That made me feel bad.

We are, however, upholding our agreement to break up but I don’t know for how much longer. Since she left, she’s sent me tons and tons of messages telling me how she feels about me and how much she misses me already. I miss her too.

As much as I think I’d like to go for Macy, I don’t have it in me. So for now, that little project is on hold.

Come to think of it, the only disagreement we ever had was on the racist thing. Granted, that’s a major thing. But other than that, I really had fun with Zoe. What makes me feel the crappiest is not sleeping, or should I say, spending that night at her house on Friday night. And it’s not for physical reasons that I wish I’d been there for her (and maybe me), but the thought of her lying in bed waiting for me show up is what really kills me. Because even when I left to drop the other people off, she didn’t even say goodbye, probably thinking that I would return. Being the idiot that I am, I didn’t.

I’ve made a lot of blunders in my time, and this one is right up there with the worst of them.

You know what they say… you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. Crazy isn't it? Me saying all these things. Maybe I'm not a complete pig after all.

The Final Countdown

What a week! I’m convinced that the company has worked out that by sending me to as many training courses as possible, they will actually save money. Warren (he doesn’t blog anymore) and I have this joke that whenever I’m not at work, the total company internet usage goes down by 80%. That’s obviously not true but I don’t think we’re too far off.

Anyway I got sent on a safety course and what a waste of time. The food and being away from work were the only upsides of the course. When I go back from the training yesterday, my boss made me work till 7 in the evening. Sadist! He enjoyed my not enjoying of that so much that he stayed with me to watch me suffer. To think that the guy sacrificed with his family for such pettiness…

Today we had some overseas visitors I had to present to for the entire morning. All these factors have greatly contributed to my lack of posting this week. Having said that, I do have a quick update for you.

If you remember from the last post, I had issues with Zoe’s racism. I had issues so much that I wanted nothing to do with her. Following through on that line of reasoning kind of put a flaw in my plan to woo Macy because the only way I can get to her is through Zoe.

Coincidentally, Zoe and Macy invited me to see a special preview screening of The Longest Yard on Wednesday evening. They organized everything for me, including a seat between the two of them.

There I was in a dream situation with my soon-to-be-past and hopefully-soon-to-be-future on either side of me. I pulled out all the stops. Chivalry doesn’t even begin to describe my award winning display of good ol’ fashioned manners just like my Mama taught me.

This was not new to Zoe because I’ve been this way with her for few weeks now, in the hope that she would share it with Macy. Macy, on the other hand, was rather impressed. I don’t know if that’s the way she always is, but she kept hitting and grabbing my arm every something funny happened in the movie.

Without sounding too optimistic, I think I made some progress. I’m hoping to build on that tonight when we have Zoe’s farewell party. I plan to go on an all out attack.

See you on Monday for an update.